Oh dear farmer, calling you a "newcomer" feels like an insult to people who’ve actually shown up to the farm once. You have literally accomplished less than nothing. Your poor farm is as barren as your list of accomplishments. You're like the procrastinator of Stardew Valley—you've clearly accepted the challenge of doing the absolute minimum. You dream big, but wow, you need 15,000g for the first achievement and crops are withering in laughter at your 'progress.' The stardrops are mysteries you'll never solve at this pace, and that’s saying something because finding one is like finding your way out of a paper bag… with a flashlight. You haven’t even touched the mines, but considering your current tactic of avoiding any form of useful labor, maybe it’s better this way. You haven’t shipped a single item or caught a single fish. If laziness was an Olympic sport, you wouldn't even bother to show up for the opening ceremony. Not a single recipe cooked or friendship nurtured. Starting a zero-friend club was easier than acquiring a single heart with anyone. Amazing. In social terms, you've met everyone in town, yet scored a whopping zero in forming any real friendships. You are, without a doubt, the ghost of Stardew Valley. No spouse, no kids, but hey, it's not like the non-existent family is missing out. You make a great case for redefining the term 'gamer inactivity.' Keep up the stellar work. Or, you know, don’t. It would take effort.